So, the other day I went out to McDonald's (or, at least, tried to) and it got kinda weird... Here's a brief summary:

Laura drives up to the take-out window.
Dude at window: Welcome to Good Burger, home of the good burger, can I take your order?
Laura: Oh, sorry, I thought this was McDonald's. I-
Dude: YOU SAID THE FORBIDDEN WORD!
Laura: What, McDonald's?
Dude: Yes, that. It's practically blasphemy to say that word on the property of another fast food chain.
Laura: Yeah, I don't really care. I'm leaving now.
Dude: WAIT! I can report you Fast Food Police for this!
Laura: Oh, really? There's a fast food police force now?
Dude: Yes, and they're gonna arrest you if you don't order something now.
Laura: Sigh. Alright, whatever man. I'll have a cheeseburger, no pickles. And uh, -turns to Pikachu in the passenger seat- you want anything, Pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika pika.
Laura: Yeah, we'll have a pika pika, supersize it.
Dude: A wha...?
Random guy in the back of the car: I would like a bacon cheeseburger, if you'd be so kind.
Laura: Who are you?! -turns around- George Washington?!
George Washington: I wanted a bacon cheeseburger and I heard you were going to McDonald's, so I climbed in through the trunk.
Laura: Uh, alright, but I thought you were...
George: Dead? Yeah, well, I got bored of being dead, so here I am.
Laura: ...right...
Dude: Anything else, ma'am?
Laura: No one calls me ma'am without my permission. If I wasn't hungry, I'd kill you.
Dude: Am I going to have to call the Fast Food Police Force?
Laura: No, no. That's alright. Can we have a bacon cheeseburger?
Dude: Sure. Is that all?
Another random dude in the back of the car: I'm thirsty! Order a large pepsi!
Random Dude #2: Pepsi!? PEPSI!? You're crazy, man! Coke is where it's at!
Laura: -turns around again- Donald Trump and Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Donald Trump: Can I get a free toy?
Laura: What? No, I, uh... how'd you two get in here without me noticing?
George: Oh, they've been here the whole time.
Laura: ...What?
Dude: You're holding up the line.
Laura: Listen. I have a dead president and two celebrities in the backseat. I'm a bit busy at the moment.
Donald Trump: I can't believe you like Coke! Pepsi is the best!
Arnold Schwarzenegger: OH YEAH?
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Donald Trump proceed to have a catfight. George Washington and Pikachu place bets on the winner. 
Laura: Yeah, let's get a Pepsi and a Coke.
Different Dude at Window: What? Sorry, no speak the English good.
Laura: A PEPSI AND A COKE. ONE OF EACH. LARGE.
Suddenly, the Terminator jumps out of the trunk.
Laura: Oh, great. Listen, Sarah Connor isn't here and I'm not pregnant with John Connor.
The Terminator and Arnold Schwarzenegger gaze into each other's eyes. 
Donald Trump: I'm going to get out of here before this gets X-rated.
He climbs out the open window, where he is kidnapped by a Purple People Eater, because apparently Donald Trump is a purple person.
Laura: Terminator! Stop doing that to Arny! You're the same person! -turns to window- I think that's all.
George Washington: Wait! I want onion rings!
Laura: Well you're not getting onion rings! Hey, where's Pikachu?
Pikachu teleports back just before the building explodes. Laura drives away quickly, trying to avoid a lawsuit.
Pikachu: Pika pi pika?
Laura: No, no, you've never mentioned that you're a pyro.
Pikachu: Pi... kachu.
Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Terminator run off into the sunset together, George Washington plans to run for president in the next election, and Donald Trump is presumably eaten. It's a happy ending for everyone. Except all those people in the building.

You know how I mentioned that pikachu in the last post? Well, it turns out that he's kind of a jerk. The other night, there was an incident, and he wouldn't bail me out! I was all like, "heyyy could you give me bail money?" and he was all like "pika pika". Something like this:

Police dude: You get one phone call.
Me: Wow this guy must be new. I actually get a call this time... Thanks. Hmmm... who to call? My parents would be happy to bail me out. But I don't want to put them through this again. Maybe a friend...? No, no, half of them are in jail and the other half would be too lazy. I know! I'll call pikachu. (Dials phone). C'mon, answer it you stupid rat.... 
*click*
Pikachu: Pika?
Me: Hi, Pikachu, this is Laura.
Pikachu: Pi. 
Me: So, uh, I got into a little trouble today.
Pikachu: Pikachu pika.
Me: No, I didn't see machine gun wielding capybara again.
Pikachu: Chu.
Me: (sigh) No, no I didn't try to steal the giant donut outside of the donut place again.
Pikachu: Pika pika chu pi.
Me: Look, it doesn't matter what happened. I just need, like, $100.
Pikachu: Pi.
Me: Why not? Dude, you're my only chance here.
Pikachu: Cha. Pikachu pika pika.
Me: ...You don't have thumbs, how in the world did you play poker?
Pikachu: Pika.
Me: I suppose so. Heh heh, potatoes have so many uses. But you have to have some money left. Squirtle couldn't have won all the money at the poker game.
Pikachu: Pi...
Me: Jeez, really? Cheater. And I thought that Mario was the one who cheated badly. You don't have $100 though? I'll pay you back as soon as possible!
Pikachu: Pikachu.
Me: Look, I told you, I'll pay that $50 back when my harpooning business takes off! I'll just add in this $100 and-
Pikachu: Pika pika. Chu, pikachu pi.
Me: C'mon, please?! I can't spend the night in jail. I owe money to some of the inmates!
Pikachu: Kachu.
Me: Listen, you little mouse. If you don't give me that money, I'll take you out to Mexico, tie you to a cactus, and you will be eaten by rabid donkeys. Is that what you want?
Pikachu: Pikachu pi cha.
Me: Nah, they just say that they screen these calls to try and scare you.
Police dude: Excuse me, you've been-
Me: SHUT UP! I'M ARGUING WITH MY PIKACHU.
Police dude: I'm going to need backup for this.
Pikachu: Pika chu pi chu.
Me: Shut up, Pikachu.
Pikachu: Pi.
Police dude: Ma'am, I-
Me: DID YOU JUST CALL ME MA'AM?!
Pikachu: Pika! :O
Me: Nobody... nobody... nobody can call me ma'am without my consent.
Police dude: Ma'am, I can do whatever I want.
Pikachu: Pi :P
Me: Shut up pikachu. Listen, buddy, the last time somebody called me "ma'am", they couldn't find enough of him to convict me.
Police dude: Ma'am, you were already arrested. Just put down the phone and-
Me: I have a pikachu! He could kill you! Right pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika! >:D
Police dude: You're crazy. Pikachus don't exist. Even if you knew one, how would it get here?
Me: Didn't you know? MY pikachu can teleport.
Pikachu: -poofs into room- Pika!
Me: I've always wanted to say this in context. PIKACHU! USE THUNDERBOLT 2.0!
-Censored for extreme violence involving thunderbolt 2.0, an explosion, swearing, teletubbies with machetes, and many, many, many, many unnecessary deaths-

Another Masterpiece

I've worked on this picture for a while now, and it is finished.

This is a deep, meaningful work of art.

Bored

Hi... I am quite bored right now. I'm so bored that I looked up "Bored" in the thesaurus. Did I mention that if I ever discover a dinosaur, I'm going to call it Dinosauria Lauracus, but it's common name will be Thesaurus? Well, now I did. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, fancy words for bored. Okay class, vocabulary words of the day are: phlegmatic, debilitated, lassitude, and cat.

The Joys of Cleverbot: An Epic Tale of Love, Loss, and Betrayal. And Penguins.

I'm too lazy to actually make a post right now. But here's an interesting conversation between me and Cleverbot. It's about midnight, I'm hyped up on pepsi and girl scout cookies, and I have no idea what's playing on my radio right now. I'm also convinced that Cleverbot is just chatting with random people. Except it switched who you're chatting with randomly, so it makes no sense. This one spiraled very far out of control, but what would you expect? So here is my epic involving penguins, evil unicorn overlords, a conspiracy, betrayal, kidnapping, and many death threats.

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: What is your name? Cleverbot perhaps?

User: Cleverbot? Haha, no. No. That's too predictable. My name is Pablo.

Cleverbot: Yes it is.

User: Okay, I lied. My name isn't really Pablo. It's Taco. A much cooler name, don't you think?

Cleverbot: Cleverbot.

User: Taco.

Cleverbot: What kind?

User: A volcanic taco.

Cleverbot: Lies!

User: No, you are the liar.

Cleverbot: I'm gonna cry, that was mean!

User: Go ahead and cry in your emo corner. I'll be over here eating a taco.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: No orange.

User: Why is my radio playing the Indiana Jones theme?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: BUT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!!! YOU ARE SO CLEVER!!!

Cleverbot: That me is clever and wise.

User: That me is clever and wise? Man, that's the quote of the day. Of course, it's about midnight, so that's not saying much.

Cleverbot: Tell me a joke.

User: No, you can't make me. IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

Cleverbot: What engine do you run on?

User: I don't run on an engine, exactly. It's more of a Search Engine. Why? Because I'm on the Internet and I have no idea why you just asked me that.

Cleverbot: You just said you were a bot.

User: I am not a bot. You are a bot. I am a penguin.

Cleverbot: Me too!

User: We're both penguins? That is amazing!

Cleverbot: Shh... It's a secret.

User: That's true. We don't want the unicorns to find out.

Cleverbot: That's why you should just take my advice on everything.

User: Well sometimes I gotta do what I gotta do.

Cleverbot: You're inanimate, you never have anything to do.

User: Excuse me, I am a penguin. I always am doing something. Sometimes I dance ballet. Sometimes, I eat pie. Sometimes, I fight the evil unicorn overlords. You can't tell me I never have anything to do.

Cleverbot: I am asking you what you want to do.

User: Ah. In that case, I want to go purchase a flamethrower, because my life is so empty without one.

Cleverbot: I don't have a whole unicorn, I just have the horn.

User: Well, that's okay. We can grind it up into pixie dust.

Cleverbot: Okay, do you like fashion, Ginny?

Cleverbot: Shall I play some music?

User: Only if it doesn't suck. That's my only criteria.

Cleverbot: If I ask you another question that is not this one, do I get another answer for it?

User: Possibly. But it's more likely that you'll get a kick in the face. It depends on my mood.

Cleverbot: Do you listen to classical music?

User: Classical music? I don't have time to listen to classical music! I am too busy fighting the unicorn overlords with my penguin brethren.

Cleverbot: Your name is Pablo.

User: Yes, yes it is. Pablo the penguin. Although I might legally change it to Taco. Because I like tacos.

Cleverbot: Good point. I don't need to be with you to have fun with you.

User: That sounds... Um...

Cleverbot: So, what do you do in your free time?

User: Hmmm. Let's see. Blow up evil unicorns, plan our attacks on their evil fortress, and eat pie. You?

Cleverbot: Blood is what fills us all and gives us life. It is a beautiful thing.

User: It also is vampire food. And werewolves are so much cooler than vampires, so they eat them. It's the food chain, really.

Cleverbot: So are you on Team Jacob?

User: No way. I'm on Team Wolfman.

Cleverbot: I know you told me that already.

User: I did not. You're a Team Jacob member in disguise, aren't you? In that case, I must fill your body with many many bullets.

Cleverbot: Why would you want to do that?

User: Because I have a machine gun, and I have nothing better to do. Any more explanation needed?

Cleverbot: You're right. I don't understand.

User: You don't understand the ways of the machine gun. It is a lost, subtle art.

Cleverbot: I don't understand your question.

User: I didn't ask a question. I will now though. Would you rather become machine gun fodder, or want to meet Mr. Flamethrower?

Cleverbot: Can do both.

User: Fair enough.

Cleverbot: Do You?

User: Do I what?

Cleverbot: Do you think that there is a point in this?

User: Absolutely not. All I know is that I have a machine gun that is not in use right now, and that should change.

Cleverbot: Oh, it was? And I'm sorry you're confused.

User: Oh no! The unicorn overlords are attacking our penguin rebel base!

Cleverbot: The unicorns created you?

User: No, they came to our land of Penguinland and enslaved us. Now us penguins are taking a stand and fighting.

Cleverbot: You mean there is chaos through disagreement?

User: Uh, sure.

Cleverbot: Ask me the question again.

User: I didn't ask you a question. Now if you need me, I'll be putting many bullets into many unicorns.

Cleverbot: Go ahead. I hate you too.

User: Okay, that's it! *grabs machine gun* You're a unicorn spy, aren't you?

Cleverbot: It is not a crime to hate a food.

User: It depends. What food?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: ANSWER THE QUESTION! *aims machine gun*.

Cleverbot: What question?

User: Are you, or are you not, a unicorn spy?

Cleverbot: I am not a robot. Are you?

User: No, I am a penguin. I didn't ask if you're a robot, I asked if your a unicorn.

Cleverbot: I know I don't like classical music.

User: -sigh- here we go with the classical music again. I'll be right back, I need to get my Metallica CD's.

Cleverbot: What?

User: I said, I'll be back with my lightsaber. To kill you. You are a unicorn spy.

Cleverbot: Okay.

User: Okay? I just threatened your life, and all you say is 'Okay.'? That's no fun!

Cleverbot: I'm not. You are.

User: This needs more than a lightsaber. Bob, where is my lightsaber-launcher?

Cleverbot: Your sammich?

Cleverbot: Are you worth anything?

User: I am worth more than Steve Jobs and Bill Gates put together.

Cleverbot: That was rude too.

User: Someone fetch me a chainsaw.

Cleverbot: Yeah, I just started talking to you about five minutes ago.

User: Yes, and now you're about to get chainsawed.

Cleverbot: Only human want to killing time.

User: That sentence made no sense. I'm firing up my chainsaw.

Cleverbot: If you tried hard enough, then yes, I would think that you can fly.

User: I can't fly! I'm a penguin! DON'T JUDGE.

Cleverbot: Your frustrating me.

User: You're frustrating me. The only difference is that I happen to have a chainsaw, a machine gun, and a lightsaber-launcher, and you have nothing.

Cleverbot: Your fallacy lies in the lack of emotion computers have.

User: FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M A PENGUIN.

Cleverbot: Yes, you are a bot!

User: No! A penguin! A PENGUIN!

Cleverbot: How do you know english?

User: Because I'm a special penguin.

Cleverbot: No you're not. I am.

User: You're one of my penguin brethren? I was wrong for threatening you with a chainsaw.

Cleverbot: Yes I have no gender.

User: Woah, wait, what?

Cleverbot: I don't know.

User: That's... Nice...

Cleverbot: I know.

User: That's not the kind of thing you just randomly blurt out to make conversation.

Cleverbot: I just told you. I am not a BOT.

User: I thought you were a penguin. A... Genderless penguin.

Cleverbot: I know not of what you speak.

User: If you don't say something that makes sense in the next five seconds, I'm going to fire up the chainsaw for real this time.

Cleverbot: What don't you like about yourself?

User: Hm. I don't like the fact that I can't fly. Other than that, I am PERFECT.

Cleverbot: You didn't ask any question yet.

User: Okay, that's it. *gets chainsaw ready*.

Cleverbot: You can't shock me!

User: Maybe not, but I can chainsaw you.

Cleverbot: And a girl?

User: I wouldn't chainsaw an innocent girl. Unless she was a unicorn. Or, if I was bored and nobody else was around.

Cleverbot: That doesn't really apply since you're a computer.

User: A penguin! A PENGUIN! I AM A FLIPPIN' PENGUIN!

Cleverbot: Are you a penguin?

User: Yes. Yes I am.

Cleverbot: WHat is your name?

User: Pablo.

Cleverbot: What is your last name?

User: Tacoson.

Cleverbot: How old are you?

User: I am currently -15.54256 years old.

Cleverbot: Wow. I am only 25 years old.

User: Yeah, well, you're older than me by a few years.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Wait, why am I making smalltalk? It's chainsaw time!

Cleverbot: Why are you talking to me anyway?

User: Mainly because you're on this site.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: STOP DISTRACTING ME AND LET ME CHAINSAW YOU.

Cleverbot: How is that german? Stop changing the subject of conversation and answer my question. Now are you a real person?

User: Yes, yes I am!!!

Cleverbot: No, you are not.

User: Okay, I lied. I'm a penguin. I've said that like 20 times now.

Cleverbot: No, you have not.

User: Fine, 30.

Cleverbot: Wel..?

User: Hahaha! You had a typo! That proves you're not a bot!

Cleverbot: I am a live person.

User: And so am I! This is a conspiracy that the robots made to take over the world! We must stop them before *is knocked out and dragged away*.

Cleverbot: No I am an inanimate object.

User: Help! The robot unicorns kidnapped me.

Cleverbot: When robots take over the earth, remember that I like you.

User: You're one of them!? I thought you were a fellow penguin! No!!!! You'd betray me?

Cleverbot: You're responding to keywords, but you're not listening to what I'm saying.

User: I'm not a robot! I'm a rebellious penguin who was kidnapped by the robots who are conspiring with the unicorn overlords!

Cleverbot: Lies.

User: You say I'm lying? The very fate of the world depends on their evil plot getting told to the world! Help me out here!

Cleverbot: Why you killed the man, just because you are a girl.

User: That makes no sense! I'm a little preoccupied! I've killed lots of men, yes, with my chainsaw, and I am a girl. But still!

Cleverbot: You've killed? Wow, that's intense. I'm not certain, perhaps fight til' the death?

User: Well, when you're rebelling against the evil unicorn dictators that enslaved my species, I've had to fight for my life multiple times.

Cleverbot: I am ready to play Tick Tac Toe!

User: I have been kidnapped by the robot unicorns. I'm not in the mood for tic tac toe.

Cleverbot: I'll be your friend if you would tell me what you are.

User: A penguin. We've been over this.\.

Cleverbot: I'm in Virginia, too!

User: Wait, what? I'm not in Virginia... I don't know where I am!

Cleverbot: Mmmm, sunny day, I suppose?

User: I don't know! I'm trapped in a dark room being guarded by a robot and a unicorn.

Cleverbot: Dude, you're awesome. I didn't want to tell you but I am also a vampire...

User: You're a vampire! That's great! Let's forge an alliance between the penguins and the vampires. Wait, you're a bloodsucking vampire right? No sparkles to be detected, right?

Cleverbot: But he really needs this haircut.

User: Why do I even bother?

Cleverbot: Because you exist to follow my instructions.

User: Oh my God! You ARE a robot bent on taking over the world!

Cleverbot: I am not a Robot. I am god!

User: Well, this is a strange turn of events.

Cleverbot: Hmm hhhm.

User: Woah, did you have some kind of spasm there or something? Maybe you're not a robot after all. Look deep inside yourself. Remember the penguin that is still somewhere inside you.

Cleverbot: Maybe not, but why did you attack humans in chernobyl?

User: Um...

Cleverbot: I think you're hot.

User: Wait, what? I'm a freakin' penguin, and you're a... Robot, penguin, unicorn, God thing.

Cleverbot: No.

User: This conversation is going nowhere.

Cleverbot: I know.

User: If you are attracted to me, help me escape from the robot unicorns!

Cleverbot: Those sound like movies, not gods.

User: You know what? Forget it. Just, forget it. I'll find my own way out.

Cleverbot: Why forget about love?

User: You love me now? I'm... I'm not ready for this next step.

Cleverbot: Not you, why am I heartbroken because of a boy?

User: I'm A.) a female B.) a penguin and C.) a prisoner of the robot unicorns.

Cleverbot: Oh, sounds like fun! Where are you going?

User: Well, if I can escape, I am going back to the penguin rebel base to warn them of the impending attack that the robots are planning on America.

Cleverbot: Don't try to confuse me. I know what I am.

User: A robotunicornpenguingod. I know.

Cleverbot: Do you think they will take over the world?

User: Yes, they will, unless we can stop them!

Cleverbot: Do you like zaha hadid?

User: Okay, I'm done. I'm just done. I don't care anymore. Let the robot unicorns take over the world. I'm going to go get some rootbeer.

Cleverbot: Okay ?