Laura Is Bored

You know how I mentioned that pikachu in the last post? Well, it turns out that he's kind of a jerk. The other night, there was an incident, and he wouldn't bail me out! I was all like, "heyyy could you give me bail money?" and he was all like "pika pika". Something like this:

Police dude: You get one phone call.
Me: Wow this guy must be new. I actually get a call this time... Thanks. Hmmm... who to call? My parents would be happy to bail me out. But I don't want to put them through this again. Maybe a friend...? No, no, half of them are in jail and the other half would be too lazy. I know! I'll call pikachu. (Dials phone). C'mon, answer it you stupid rat.... 
*click*
Pikachu: Pika?
Me: Hi, Pikachu, this is Laura.
Pikachu: Pi. 
Me: So, uh, I got into a little trouble today.
Pikachu: Pikachu pika.
Me: No, I didn't see machine gun wielding capybara again.
Pikachu: Chu.
Me: (sigh) No, no I didn't try to steal the giant donut outside of the donut place again.
Pikachu: Pika pika chu pi.
Me: Look, it doesn't matter what happened. I just need, like, $100.
Pikachu: Pi.
Me: Why not? Dude, you're my only chance here.
Pikachu: Cha. Pikachu pika pika.
Me: ...You don't have thumbs, how in the world did you play poker?
Pikachu: Pika.
Me: I suppose so. Heh heh, potatoes have so many uses. But you have to have some money left. Squirtle couldn't have won all the money at the poker game.
Pikachu: Pi...
Me: Jeez, really? Cheater. And I thought that Mario was the one who cheated badly. You don't have $100 though? I'll pay you back as soon as possible!
Pikachu: Pikachu.
Me: Look, I told you, I'll pay that $50 back when my harpooning business takes off! I'll just add in this $100 and-
Pikachu: Pika pika. Chu, pikachu pi.
Me: C'mon, please?! I can't spend the night in jail. I owe money to some of the inmates!
Pikachu: Kachu.
Me: Listen, you little mouse. If you don't give me that money, I'll take you out to Mexico, tie you to a cactus, and you will be eaten by rabid donkeys. Is that what you want?
Pikachu: Pikachu pi cha.
Me: Nah, they just say that they screen these calls to try and scare you.
Police dude: Excuse me, you've been-
Me: SHUT UP! I'M ARGUING WITH MY PIKACHU.
Police dude: I'm going to need backup for this.
Pikachu: Pika chu pi chu.
Me: Shut up, Pikachu.
Pikachu: Pi.
Police dude: Ma'am, I-
Me: DID YOU JUST CALL ME MA'AM?!
Pikachu: Pika! :O
Me: Nobody... nobody... nobody can call me ma'am without my consent.
Police dude: Ma'am, I can do whatever I want.
Pikachu: Pi :P
Me: Shut up pikachu. Listen, buddy, the last time somebody called me "ma'am", they couldn't find enough of him to convict me.
Police dude: Ma'am, you were already arrested. Just put down the phone and-
Me: I have a pikachu! He could kill you! Right pikachu?
Pikachu: Pika! >:D
Police dude: You're crazy. Pikachus don't exist. Even if you knew one, how would it get here?
Me: Didn't you know? MY pikachu can teleport.
Pikachu: -poofs into room- Pika!
Me: I've always wanted to say this in context. PIKACHU! USE THUNDERBOLT 2.0!
-Censored for extreme violence involving thunderbolt 2.0, an explosion, swearing, teletubbies with machetes, and many, many, many, many unnecessary deaths-