The Land Before Time 2: The Great Valley Extinction

Scene 1
It is a happy day in the valley. The sun is shining, the giant prehistoric butterflies are fluttering, and Littlefoot and his friends are playing together and are not singing because dinosaurs don't do that. This scene lasts for about four seconds before the director got bored and switched to another scene.


Scene 2
Outside of the valley, in the earthquake torn wasteland, a pack of velociraptors is getting ready for a hunt. They haven't had a decent meal in a few weeks (hence the earthquake torn wasteland) and are rather desperate. Their leader is ready to address the pack with some important news. He has a badass facial scar because the director thought it would be cool.

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

Alright everyone, listen here. I know times are tough. After all, we live in an earthquake torn wasteland, right? But everyone keep in mind, we're velociraptors. We don't have to worry! We're among the most amazing creatures to walk this planet. I know you're all hungry, but I have a plan! I heard of a wonderful valley where the herbivores took refuge a few years ago, the Great Valley they called it.

VELOCIRAPTOR 1

What's so great about it?

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

How should I know? We're not allowed inside! They discriminate against carnivores like us. I say enough is enough. Let's claim our right! Just because we eat meat doesn't make us villains! We need to survive, dammit! We need screen time in this series! Let's go visit Dino-Eden and eat them like real dinosaurs would!

The crowd of velociraptors cheer at his speech.

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

All we have to do is follow the sun, go past the rock that looks like a brontosaurus, and past the volcanoes. Any questions?

 VELOCIRAPTOR 2

Yeah. What is a brontosaurus? And a volcano? And... and the sun?

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

Sigh. Stupid kiddy-movie dialogue. Forget it, let's just get going before we starve to death out here.

Crowd of velociraptors cheer again.

Scene 3

Littlefoot and his friends are sitting in the valley, extremely bored. Not at a Laura level of boredom, mind you, but they're close. They're sitting around talking, because video games wouldn't be invented for a few years.

CERA

I. Am. So. BORED. It cannot be natural to be this bored!

DUCKY

Yeah, I mean, what are dinosaurs supposed to do all day? Eat stuff and go rawr? I don't think so.

PETRIE

Hey, you guys remember when we were stranded in the earthquake torn wasteland and everyday was an ordeal as we searched desperately for food and water and ran from the relentless killing machine Sharptooth? When did being bored become such a big concern for us?

CERA

Shut up, Petrie, no one likes you. 

LITTLEFOOT

C'mon guys, let's go play in the tar pits.

PETRIE

What? But that's ridiculously idiotic!

LITTLEFOOT

Yeah? Well, I'm the main character, so I decide what we're going to do. And I say we go play in the tar pits. Let's go.

Littlefoot and co. go to the tar pits and tries to see who sinks the fastest. This game is just as successful as you can imagine and they all get stuck in the tar. Because the director doesn't give a crap, we cut to them safely out of the tar pit.

CERA

Wow, it's a good thing we found that dino-jetpack in time. Otherwise, who knows what that UFO might have done.

LITTLEFOOT

No time for that, Cera, I just realized that the plot can't possibly go on without us!

DUCKY

But... how are we going to do that? There's already been three scenes and we're barely involved yet.

LITTLEFOOT

Let's do something completely retarded and see where that leads.

PETRIE

You mean, something stupider than swimming in a tar pit?!

LITTLEFOOT

Yeah... I can only thing of one other thing that'll lead to certain death in prehistoric times.

PETRIE

And what is that? Please, enlighten me.

LITTLEFOOT

Let's go piss off a T-Rex.

EVERYONE OTHER THAN PETRIE
Yaaay!!!

Scene 4

A newlywed T-Rex couple are watching their first egg. You're so lucky we skipped the dino-sex scene. They are in their den with many large dinosaur bones strewn around, making it look very uninviting. The mother T-Rex is actually very sweet and hospitable, but no one knows this because of all the prejudice when it comes to entering a cave that belongs to a T-Rex.

FATHER T-REX

What should we name it?

MOTHER T-REX

We don't know if it'll be a boy or a girl.

FATHER T-REX

So Shelly is out of the question?

MOTHER T-REX

You do know it'll hatch into a dinosaur, right?

FATHER T-REX

Hey, I never got the Archaeopteryxes and the Giant Prehistoric Bees talk from my parents, they died when I was a hatchling.

MOTHER T-REX

Oh, right, I forgot your dark and mysterious past that we shall never mention again.

FATHER T-REX

And now I'm bored. Let's go kill something.

MOTHER T-REX

Wait, what about the egg?

FATHER T-REX

Don't worry, nobody in their right mind would ever mess with the lair of a Tyrannosaurus family.

They leave. About ten seconds after they're gone, Littlefoot and his friends show up. 

CERA

Littlefoot, we're not supposed to be outside the Valley!

LITTLEFOOT

This is so cool... I'm sorry, Cera, did you say something?

CERA

I think that-

LITTLEFOOT

Yeah, that's great, nobody cares what you think. So, where's that T-Rex?

DUCKY

I don't see anything. They're probably looking for food or something.

LITTLEFOOT

You're right... C'mon, let's loot the place.

They walk through the cave but find nothing except for the egg.

LITTLEFOOT

Dammit, there's nothing here except for this stupid egg.

Two struthifreaks enter from out of nowhere.

STUTHIFREAK 1

Did someone call us?

CERA

No. No one called you. Now get out of here before I call the dino-cops.

STRUTHIFREAK 2

I'm pretty sure I heard something about an egg.

STRUTHIFREAK 1

Yes, yes, an egg. Where is it? I must have it! It... it's very important to me. I... I love it.

PETRIE

...Am I the only one here who thinks this guy needs to die?

LITTLEFOOT

Petrie, you're so violent! Remember, this is a kid's movie. I... I think. It's about animated talking dinosaurs, anyway. 

DUCKY

LITTLEFOOT, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU BREAK THE FOURTH WALL THEN I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.

LITTLEFOOT

...The fourth what? Ah, screw it, we don't have time! Let's take the egg!

Littlefoot grabs the egg and runs before the Struthifreak can get to it. His friends follow, but only because they don't want to be left alone in a cave with the Struthifreaks, who swear revenge on them. 

PETRIE

Littlefoot, why, oh God, WHY did you feel it was necessary to steal the egg?

LITTLEFOOT

...

Littlefoot cannot think of a good reason, so he demands this scene to be over

Scene 5
The velociraptors have reached the rock that looks like a longneck, a landmark on the way to the Great Valley. 

RANDOM VELOCIRAPTOR

Hey, leader, how do you know about the Great Valley? Is it a real thing?

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

Allow me to explain in pointlessly specific detail. A few years back, I was desperately hunting a small herd of dino-four year olds for food. But before I went in for the kill, I heard them discuss the Great Valley. I wanted to know more, so I let them live for a while. I decided to follow them to the valley and then have a feast there. But they saw me and... well, I forgot what happened exactly. Considering I woke up at the bottom of a cliff with a new scar, I pretty much figured it out. Without any way to find the Great Valley, I gave up. But then later I met this brontosaurus dude who told me how to get there...

RANDOM VELOCIRAPTOR

I'm sorry, do you really believe anyone is going to read that intimidating wall of text?

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

...Shut up.

Scene 6

Littlefoot and his friends are sitting around in the Great Valley, staring at the egg. The director couldn't think of a good reason why they didn't get eaten by anything before they could get back, so we skipped that scene. 

LITTLEFOOT

What do you think will hatch?

PETRIE

Well, we found it in the den of a Tyrannosaurus, it is bigger than any egg we've ever seen, and, let me just clarify, we found it in the den of a Tyrannosaurus rex.

LITTLEFOOT

So... it's going to be a brontosaurus like me!

CERA

No, you idiot, it'll be a triceratops!

DUCKY

YOU'RE BOTH WRONG LIKE ALWAYS! IT'LL BE... uh... it'll be... whatever the hell I am.

PETRIE

Siiiiiigh.

LITTLEFOOT

I wonder if it's going to be a boy or a girl...

PETRIE

Why aren't we telling the adults about this? A t-rex egg in the valley is kinda a big deal, you know?

LITTLEFOOT

Shut up Petrie, the adults are all idiots and children are all the Second Coming. I thought you knew that.

PETRIE

That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

CERA

Look! It's hatching!

DUCKY

What convenient timing!

The egg hatches into (big surprise coming) a baby T-Rex! 

LITTLEFOOT

Awesome, now we have our own child slave!

PETRIE

Didn't you just say... Sigh.

BABY T-REX

Who are you freaks? 

CERA

Aww he's so cute.

LITTLEFOOT

Wait... I got another great idea! Let's demand ransom from his parents!

PETRIE

Littlefoot, let's analyze that idea carefully. One: What the hell do you need from them? You're a dinosaur, there's no currency in this world or anything to bargain with. Two: They can just eat you and then take their child back. Three-

DUCKY

SHUT UP PETRIE OR I'LL KILL YOU WHERE YOU STAND. LITTLEFOOT'S IDEA IS THE GREATEST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF GREAT IDEAS!

CERA
But he's so cute! Can we keep him? Please? Please?

At this point, the baby T-Rex decides it's time to slip away without anyone noticing.

PETRIE
What? But... he'd grow up to be a killing machine! And what would you feed him anyway? Demand the residents of the Great Valley to sacrifice themselves to him?

LITTLEFOOT
Petrie, you need to shut up and go back to being a retarded comic relief character. I like Cera's idea. Let's raise him and get back at those bullies who are always picking on me for having a stupid name!

CERA
Can I name him? Pleeeeaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeee?

LITTLEFOOT
No. I'm the main character, and I say his name is Chomper.

DUCKY
Wait... where did he go?

LITTLEFOOT
Dammit! He got away. Everyone, we have to find him if we want to exploit him for anything! Let's split up and find him before he, you know, kills someone! Petrie, search for him in the sky!

PETRIE
Forget this, I'm going to go take a nap.

Petrie flies away as the rest of the dinokids begin to search for Chomper.

Scene 7

The two tyrannosaurs are standing together in a mountain-y area, having already discovered their egg is lost. If you watch the special features on the DVD of this movie, you can see the deleted scene where the father T-Rex lets out a big "NOOO!" that would put Darth Vader to shame. 

MOTHER T-REX

Are you sure this is a good idea?

FATHER T-REX

Trust me, it's a much better idea then barging into the Valley and destroying everything. This idea is a lot more subtle.

MOTHER T-REX

Why don't we just destroy the valley and take our baby back?

FATHER T-REX

Because it's Dino-Eden! There's a magical shield or some crap like that that keeps predators out. But if we get a spy to go in their undercover, get the baby back, and then possibly let us in, then-

MYSTERIOUS VOICE

Silence, fool! Do you want anyone within a five mile radius to know the plan?

FATHER T-REX

Are you....?

MYSTERIOUS VOICE

Yes, I am Pinkshadow.

A freaky pink dinosaur appears out of the shadows. 

PINKSHADOW

I'm not one for formal introductions, so let's get to the point: If I help you with the plan you just announced to the world, then you protect me and my family from predators like bodyguards?

FATHER T-REX

Sure.

PINKSHADOW

I never trusted Tyrannosaurs, but I guess I have nothing better to do. Okay, I'm going in.

Scene 8

Littlefoot, having found Chomper offscreen because we have that great of a director, is walking Chomper back to where he hatched, so he and his friends can decide what to do.

LITTLEFOOT

Chomper, if you ever run away like that again, you will be severely punished. You got that?

CHOMPER

Who the hell is Chomper? My name is-

Suddenly, a freaky pink dinosaur runs up to them.

LITTLEFOOT

Uh... who are you?

PINKSHADOW

My name is... uh... Crap, I forgot to make up a fake name... think of a good one... Ruby!

LITTLEFOOT

I wasn't aware we knew what a ruby was. I thought we just called them "red gems" or something. I mean, for God's sake, we call rain "skywater" and dreams "sleep stories"!

Ducky appears out of nowhere and punches Littlefoot in the stomach.

RUBY

Uh... okay then. Who is that T-Rex?

DUCKY

Oh, him? He's Chomper. Littlefoot wants to exploit him for child labor or something.

LITTLEFOOT

(after recovering) Don't tell people that, Ducky. We don't even know this freaky pink dinosaur!

RUBY

My name is Ruby.

LITTLEFOOT

Yeah, I know.

Cera and the other dino four-year-olds finally show up.

CERA

Hey guys. I just thought you should know that those struthifreaks are stalking us.

LITTLEFOOT

Oh no! Those are the most intimidating villains a Land Before Time movie has ever seen! Sharptooth himself would be terrified of them.

PETRIE

Littlefoot, leave the sarcasm to me, you're no good at it.

LITTLEFOOT

What sarcasm...?

CERA

Where'd Ruby and Chomper go?

LITTLEFOOT

Dammit! We have to find them! Let's go!

Scene 9: 

The velociraptors have reached the edge of the valley, where they see two Tyrannosaurs standing around. Always one to be a diplomat, the leader decides to talk to them.

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

Hey, what are you two doing here?

MOTHER T-REX

Well, considering you guys are velociraptors and thus the second coolest dinosaur ever, I suppose we can tell you. The herbivores of the Great Valley kidnapped our baby and now we're waiting for our spy to get in and break their defenses.

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

Why can't you just walk in and kill everything in sight?

FATHER T-REX

What do you expect? In Dino-Eden, predators can't just waltz in and eat stuff. There's a magical barrier called plot armor that rests like a dome around the valley.

VELOCIRAPTOR LEADER

I see... So you sent someone in to break their defense. May we join you in destroying the Great Valley? My pack has been looking forward to doing so for days. Two tyrannosaurs should be able to show us how it's done. 

MOTHER T-REX

Why, of course! We'll also be teaching our kid how to destroy stuff! 

The predators wait for a few hours. To pass the time, they discuss the best ways to set stuff on fire without opposable thumbs or access to fire in the first place, the meaning of life, and the best way to Rawr without straining your throat to much. Eventually, Pinkshadow shows up with Chomper.

PINKSHADOW

Alright, here's your kid.

MOTHER T-REX

Awww, he's so adorable! Honey, let's name him Chomper!

FATHER T-REX

Just like my own father!

CHOMPER

But, guys, that's a horrible name! I already decided on-

PINKSHADOW

Wait, there's more! I created a gaping hole in the side of the valley. You and your velociraptor army should be able to get through.

MOTHER T-REX

Excellent. We shall let you live for being so helpful. 

PINKSHADOW

I appreciate it. There's a ridiculous amount of herbivores in there, and they're all incredibly stupid. You should have an easy time destroying them. There's also a couple of Struthifreaks running around in there. 

FATHER T-REX

Eh, they haven't had enough screen time for us to care. Now, everyone! CHAAAARGE!

The tyrannosaurs charge into the hole in the wall. Because we're jerks, we're changing scenes back to Littlefoot and co.

Scene 10: The Scene Where All Hell Breaks Loose

Littlefoot and his friends are cornered by the struthifreaks, who want to get struthifreaky. By his friends, we meant everyone except for Petrie, who was smart enough to fly out of the valley.

STRUTHIFREAK 1

Now hand over the egg! The love of my life!

CERA

For the last time, you creep, it friggin' hatched!

STRUTHIFREAK 2

Don't lie! Only bad little girls lie! Are you a bad little girl?

LITTLEFOOT

Am I the only one who hears growling?

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a velociraptor jumps into the scene and eats Struthifreak 1! 

STRUTHIFREAK 2

HOLY FRUITCAKES!

Struthifreak 2 is eaten by another velociraptor. Suddenly, Littlefoot and co. are being chased by a T-Rex and a pack of velociraptors! Isn't that awesome?

CERA

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

DUCKY

Petrie, there's something I have to tell you. I... I love you!

LITTLEFOOT

THAT SON OF A BIRCH ISN'T HERE!

DUCKY

NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I'LL KILL HIM!

Suddenly Spike, who hasn't been mentioned once until now, turns around and jumps toward a velociraptor. Immediately, they both explode.

CERA

WHAT THE HELL?

LITTLEFOOT

This movie is quickly deteriorating!

Suddenly, they are cornered! The next events are too awesome to be put into words, so we provided three pictures:

Pictured: The Great Valley, post Laura Is Bored

And thus, every living thing in the great valley is destroyed. Except for Petrie, that cocky son of a birch tree. 

But because we want to milk as much money out of this franchise as possible, we made eleven sequels!

...Somehow.

The Land Before Time III: The Time of the Great Explosion

The Land Before Time IV: Journey through the Wasteland

The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Crater

The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Tyrannosaurus Rock

The Land Before Time VII: The Stone of Explosive Fire

The Land Before Time VIII: The Ice Age

The Land Before Time IX: The Journey to Promised Land

The Land Before Time X: The Great Velociraptor Hunt

The Land Before Time XI: Invasion of the Predators

The Land Before Time XII: The Great Day of the Volcanoes

The Land Before Time XIII: The Wisdom of Laura

Laura's Great Valley Adventure (part 2)

Yes, welcome back to my journey through the Land Before Time 2. If you haven't read part 1 yet I suggest you do, considering that I'm too lazy to summarize it. So, let's dive right into this. I got my 7up, I got my oversized pikachu pillow (seriously, the thing is bigger than me), I'm ready to do this.


Dino-Puberty

So, we last left off with me having an emotional breakdown after listening to the Egg Song. Wait, I didn't mention the emotional breakdown before? ...Forget I said anything. Anyway, after the gay pedophiliac egg eaters "sing", it's suddenly night. Wait, what? They're just kinda talking about, well, eggs, then BAM it's night, and they continue talking. They sang in broad daylight, then.... Forget it, I stopped questioning this movie a long time ago. Anyway, after successfully raping our ears, the two stutimowhatevers run off into the night. Meanwhile, Littlefoot is again complaining about being little. Littlefoot is little. I would never have guessed. His grandparents tell him to shut up and enjoy life before dino-puberty hits. I guess Grandpa is getting rather old himself, because he gets off topic and starts babbling on about how the Great Valley is a dinosaur paradise and they're protected from the outside dangers. Well, if that's true, do egg-eating strutimawhatchits not count as being a threat? I wouldn't particularly enjoy my eggs getting eaten if I was a dinosaur. Then again, if I was a dinosaur, I wouldn't be living in the Great Valley. No, I'd be running with the velociraptors and doing dinosaur things like eating stuff and going rawr. Why am I watching this? Why not a movie where dinosaurs do dinosaur things? I WANT A T-REX. A FIGHT SCENE. VELOCIRAPTORS. THOSE WOULD MAKE THIS MOVIE A LOT BETTER. I don't want a peaceful valley, I want one over run with carnivores. Now, that would be how I directed it.

Later, Littlefoot's friends gather and discuss how the adults don't think they can take care of themselves. Wait, wait, wait. Am I the only one who remembers this?

You know, the good movie?

You know, where the baby dinosaurs travel across a dangerous and mysterious land with a T-Rex chasing them, facing starvation and getting eaten, and somehow make it to Dino-Eden alive? Yeah, that movie. Whatever happened to that? Don't you think that the adult dinosaurs would treat the children a bit less like children after going through something like that? Am I the only one who realizes this? Please tell me I'm not alone! Am I crazy? IS THIS EVEN THE REAL LAND BEFORE TIME? AM I WATCHING SOME KNOCKOFF? WHAT AM I DOING HERE!? THIS IS ALL A BIG CONSPIRACY! I HAVE TO-

Technical difficulties. The writer of this blog just ran out of the computer room screaming something government officials riding dinosaurs and Cthulu destroying the Great Valley. We're sure that when she gets back from the place with the nice men in white lab coats, she'll be fine and ready to review this movie.

Okay, I'm back and ready to continue with the review. Terribly sorry about the outbreak earlier. It happens. Ahem. Where was I? Oh, right. So, the kids decide that they should prove to the adults that they can take care of themselves. Because killing a T-Rex to survive and avenge your dead mother doesn't prove anything. Sorry, sorry. I'm good now, honest. Suddenly, they see the egg-eaters stealing an egg from Ducky's nest. They decide that they shouldn't tell a grownup, who could probably chase them down and kill them quickly. No, they want to chase after the pedophile villains themselves. To quote Cera, "What could go wrong?"

Two Strutifreaks and an Egg

So, yeah. They go after the strutimabobs in a less-than-awesome chase scene. At first, when the egg-stealers are making a break for it, they notice the dinosaurs in the distance coming toward them. Their shadows are very long, giving the illusion that the kids are bigger than they really are. Now, wait. The moon is in no position to cast light in a way for that to happen. I wish I had a picture, but I don't. You guys are just going to have to take my word for it. Nitpicky, I know, but it just bugged me. While climbing, the strutifreaks start tossing the egg back and forth. Why? No, really, why? What does that accomplish? Throwing an egg back and forth while climbing a mountain isn't necessary. It's stupid. It's going to crack, and then we all know that's going to end in tears. ThiswholemovieisstupidwhyamIhereIneedto-


Um, well, they make it to this big chasm between the Great Valley and the world beyond. One of the strutimawhatevers falls sideways (I'm not even going to comment) and the other jumps with his precious egg. That's how I got that beautiful picture above. The kids also manage to make it across, but not after going through a big ol' process of summing up the courage, thinking Ducky didn't make it, etc. The strutifreaks find a cave to hide in, just as it starts pouring down rain. Sure, why not? All we need is convenient lightning strikes, and we're good to go. The crazy one starts talking to the egg, while the second one watches with a look on his face saying "Whaaaat theeeee...?" Then, before he can eat it, he drops it. Yes, he just kind of drops it. Are these guys really out villains? I am not intimidated in the least. These are just to clumsy, creepy, strutimawhatevers that are completely ineffectual.

I'm sorry, but I need to put this picture here to remind myself of everything that is awesome about dinosaurs and the first movie. I will be looking at it from time to time as I write the rest of this post. Siiigh. Well, Littlefoot and company take forever to find the cave right behind them. Now, this part blew my mind. Hear me out on this: Littlefoot was in the lead. He entered the cave first, followed by Cera. Cera hesitated because she's afraid of the dark, apparently. I think one of my favorite lines so far is: "Maybe I don't feel like going in there right now." She eventually does, afraid of a Convenient Lightning Strike™ and runs into the cave. We then see that Littlefoot, Spike, Ducky, and Petrie were waiting for her inside. How did Spike, Petrie and Ducky get in there so fast? Can they teleport? Now, that would just be too cool for a Land Before Time movie. Maybe it's nit-picky too, but it annoyed me. They find the strutiyeahs fumbling around for the egg that they somehow dropped. Don't ask how, but the creepier one somehow mistakes Littlefoot's head for the egg for a second... Suddenly, there's a rockslide! Okay, sure, why not? At this point, I don't care anymore about the details. They run from the falling rocks, but get caught in it because, well, they did. The egg-eaters risk life and limb to save that stupid egg, but it gets swept away as well. Oh well, poor egg. Eggs get smashed though, it happens. 



...No, the rockslide carried the egg all the way to its nest. That means across the chasm, down the mountain, and into its rightful place. What? I know eggs are more durable than they look, but that was a friggin' landslide. And it just happened to role into its nest? How? What? Who? Why? Huh?
GGGGgggRrrrrRRrrrrAAAaaaaAAaAaAHHHhhhHhdfgdfgadfg.


I don't like this movie.


Beyond the Beyond the Beyond
So, after the landslide, the kids discover that they are in THE MYSTERIOUS BEYOND, the land outside of the Great Valley. It appears to be some kind of swampy place. I'm not going to start on the fact that I thought the land outside the valley was an earthquake-torn wasteland. Apparently, the Mysterious Beyond holds many unknown dangers and normally they aren't allowed to leave the valley. Weren't they born in the "mysterious beyond" and travelled through it and I GIVE UP. At least this movie is taking a turn for the better. There are carnivores and cool dinosaurs in the Mysterious Beyond! But, considering that the movie is called "The Great Valley Adventure", I highly doubt we'll be here for long. 


Ducky is sad because they believe the egg got smooshed (Yes, that's how they put it). Ya know, like what should have happened? Littlefoot tries to comfort her, saying that it's just "the circle of life". I'm surprised they didn't break out into a certain song. Say, when did this movie come out? Wikipedia to the rescue!
Jeopardy music plays as Laura searches Wikipedia.


It was released in 1994, same year as the Lion King. Hmmm. In other news, apparently Jared Leto is from Bossier City, Louisiana. That has nothing to do with this, I just got sidetracked on Wikipedia.

Ducky starts to cry for her lost brother and/or sister, while telling us every detail about that egg. She then realizes that she's sitting under another egg. This egg is twice as big, a different color, and located in a fully built nest. Yes, that must be Ducky's egg! They decide to take it back to Ducky's nest and tell everyone that they're heroes. Then (this is not stated, but I assume) a huge comet will crash into the valley, hordes upon hordes of velociraptors will descend upon them, and our main characters will have to survive in an apocalyptic world. 


Unfortunately, that doesn't happen, as potentially epic as it could be. I do wonder how they're going to carry an egg when the only one who has arms of any kind is Ducky, and the egg is bigger than her. So, to solve this problem, they skip to a scene where they somehow constructed a carrying nest out of flimsy sticks. Yes, the egg is being lifted by a couple of sticks that they hold on each end. It doesn't look like it could possibly support the weight of the egg and Petrie who felt it was necessary to sit on it. I looked for about an hour to find a picture of it, and there was no way I was putting the movie on again, so take my word for it. Again. So, somehow they manage to make it back to the Great Valley with the egg. Well, that was easy. They get to Ducky's nest before everyone wakes up, but they realize the stolen egg has already been returned. That, or Ducky's mom got busy. 


The Archaeopteryxes and the Gigantic Prehistoric Bees

Later that day, the kids try to decide what to do with the egg. Even though they spent all night out chasing pedophiles, they don't seem to be that tired. They wait around the egg, discussing what to do with it. Someone mentions the rather intelligent idea of brining it back to where it was. But no, to prove that they're "grown ups", they decide to raise it themselves. Nevermind that it could hatch into something cool like a velociraptor or a unicorn or something. Yes, unicorns lay eggs. I thought you knew that. 

You know, the strutifreaks haven't been here for awhile. Did they die in the rockslide? Oh, gee, I hope so! That would make this movie so much better! And then they could introduce real villains, like a dinosaur version of the Terminator! That would be so epic! But of course they're not dead, that would make me happy. Instead, we cut to a scene where the strutifreaks swear revenge on the kids for stealing the egg that they stole fair and square. Never mind the fact that if they had even one spec of a brain cell apiece, they'd assume that the egg was smashed in the landslide and move on. But because Gay Eggeater #1 was separated from his true love, we'll be seeing these guys for a while. By the way, that picture is your window into my nightmares for the next week. It's his rape face or something. 

Back to the main characters, they discuss what kind of parents they'll be. They say that their kid will be able to do whatever they want and never hear no. At least they'll fit in with 70% of the population. What if this kid decides to go on a chainsaw murder spree? Or what if becomes Dino-Hitler? Wait, never mind. That would be an interesting movie, meaning that it's not going to happen. The egg-eaters begin to literally stalk them, watching them from afar. As if they couldn't get any creepier. Then, suddenly, the egg starts to hatch! In about five seconds, a fully developed baby dinosaur is sitting there. Alright. At first, they're all like "AWWW ITS SO CUTE". I'm on the floor, in shock that they're actually doing something interesting! It's a T-Rex! OH MY GOD! A COOL DINOSAUR! Well, it's only a baby. That's probably the closest I'm going to get. The kids don't realize that he's a "sharptooth" (I guess the name T-Rex is too awesome sounding for them) until he yawns, showing small sharp teeth. Hence the Land Before Time name, "Sharptooth". They run away screaming like pansies from the oh-so-threatening hatchling. Littlefoot, being the main character, trips on a vine. Or, rather, gets caught in it and is propelled back to the sharptooth like it was a rubber band. When they were running away, the baby looked like he was thinking, "What's wrong with you? Ah, forget it, I'm gonna go chase some velociraptors around and destroy stuff." Littlefoot realizes that he's just a harmless baby, and decides to name him Chomper. Chomper starts chasing around a small dragonfly (I thought prehistoric dragonflies were huge, but I guess that would be too cool again). Chomper thinks that Littlefoot is his mother, but Littlefoot makes sure Chomper's aware that he's a "papa". But can you blame Chomper? Look at the eyelashes.

LOOK AT THEM. 
You know, I think I like Chomper the most. He's been the least annoying, that's for sure. And so far the manliest. Well, Littlefoot tries to destroy my hopes and dreams and teach Chomper to eat plants like the rest of the dinosaurs in the valley. Don't do it, kid! You have a whole life of killing stuff ahead of you! Chomper, however, refuses to. That's right, Chomper, don't listen to him! Eat him! Eat him! It's the only way!

But since this is a kid's movie, that doesn't happen. Littlefoot is a bit distraught that the T-FRIGGIN-REX won't eat green food. He decides to go get advice from his grandparents. But what about the kid? He just kind of tells Chomper to stay there. Alright. Leaving a baby T-Rex with ADD alone. That's fine. Why do I say he has ADD. Because literally two seconds after Littlefoot leaves, he runs after a dragonfly. Run, Chomper! Get out of this movie! Find Jurassic Park! To get there, you must follow the bright circle in the sky, go past the rock that looks like a longneck, and then past the mountains that burn.


...What do you mean those are the directions to get to the Great Valley from the first movie? I thought this movie was disregarding its existence. 


ANYWAY, Littlefoot finds his grandparents and then proceeds to say my new favorite line in this movie. It could quite possibly be the best line in the whole series.


Littlefoot: Grandma... Grandpa... I wanna know about babies.
Grandma and Grandpa: -look at each other- :O


So they go into this discussion, yadda yadda yadda. I'm still laughing about a dinosaur version of "the talk". Of course, it's not that, but still.


Littlefoot's friends come back to the spot where Chomper hatched, only to find nobody there. Petrie (I think) suggests that Chomper ate Littlefoot. Yes, because a dinosaur that tiny can eat another dino four times as big without any trace. Suddenly, the egg-stealers jump them! This could get R-rated very quickly. 


Meanwhile, Littlefoot looks everywhere to find Chomper. I assume that Chomper is on an unstoppable rampage through the herbivore herds and leaving a bloody trail of carnage behind in his wake. No, it turns out that Chomper is at the tar pits from earlier. Except this time he's successfully hopping from rock to rock without falling in. He doesn't even need Littlefoot's help, he's pretty okay on his own. Littlefoot scolds him for running away, but Chomper looks like he's thinking about who he's going to kill first. 


But what about Littlefoot's friends? How will they get out of their situation involving pedophile dinosaurs that probably are going to rape them? What evil plans does Chomper have for them all? Who will he kill first, and who will live through his rampage? What will happen when the army of velociraptors descends upon the valley? Will the plot armor be enough to keep Littlefoot and his friends alive? And who is the father of Cera's baby? Most of these questions will probably not be answered in the next installment of Laura's Great Valley Adventure.